Blood Moon
by scifiromance
Summary: Post BD. When Bella is pushed over the edge, taking Jacob with her, Renesmee realises that she must show her maturity to understand what endangers her mother and her imprint, as well as the nature of imprinting itself and the idea that what remains of the human heart can still eclipse the dream of a soul mate. Renesmee/Jacob imprint, but J/B story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n: This story is post BD, and generally obeys canon other than Jake was not the one to give Renesmee the 'Nessie' nickname, let's blame that on one of the Cullens born before the Loch Ness Monster became folklore. Thank you to my beta NikkiB1973, whose advice and reassurance gave me the courage to post this. **

* * *

"_Sometimes all I want is to be able to imprint on someone, anyone…"_

"_Just to break the connection."_

_Leah Clearwater and Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn: Part 1_

_In the end, Jacob's imprint did not break the connection, it bound him to her inescapably… _

* * *

It was impossible for her to pinpoint when exactly the dream of eternity became a nightmare. Perhaps the clue is there, at that moment when she woke up and realised that eternity was her reality now, for better or worse. That split second, before the Cullens, her family, surrounded her in relief, when she was consumed by cold, dead cold, and when she felt panic, her heart didn't race to catch up with the feeling. Maybe she truly realised when she saw blood for the first time, and the need for it wiped her like a blank slate, to the point where Edward's words of restraint meant nothing, his melodic voice just background noise. Otherwise, maybe it was the minutes that went past where she could ignore the baby's cries, and know that wasn't natural, or it could have been when she heard Jake's involuntary growl when she finally did gather Renesmee in her arms, and with that the instinctive knowledge that he couldn't long for just her anymore…

Thinking again though, those needles of torture only dug deep with hindsight. In that first year, when she'd been a true newborn, she'd been able to push such things aside with the exhilaration the venom brought after the pain. The sheer power of it; she'd never be clumsy, awkward or self-conscious ever again, never need to worry about the future that would now always seamlessly blend with the present in an unending life. Bella Swan was gone, she was Bella _Cullen_ now, that surname being the epitome of everything she'd admired. Fearlessness, elegance, absolute power with absolute mercy, she was all. The bloodlust had been like being set alight, burning with it from the inside out day and night, unbearable in innumerable ways. She had borne it though, had been soothed and petted when she'd almost broken down, and so had become proud of resisting. There was a trade off for tolerating that, her emotions were enhanced along with every sense, she ran through the woods as freely as Alice had envisioned, her passion for Edward, romantically and sexually, had intensified beyond her wildest dreams… Of course, her pain over Jacob's imprint, his imprint with her _daughter_, had been magnified also, but in the foggy bliss of that first year she somehow convinced herself that it exonerated the choices of her human life completely. She had her soul mate, and in pursuing him had given Jacob his. She'd guaranteed her daughter's happiness forever, bringing the human most capable of loving entirely into her heart.

After that first year however… It was as if those first twelve months had been a trick of the mind, the flame of her life flaring to a new brightness just long enough to blind her to the consequences before extinguishing for good. Numbness, no rigor mortis, sneaked up on her. She gradually became indifferent to Edward's caresses, his lullabies and protectiveness; she no longer needed any of it. Soon even the memories of their courtship began to slip through the cracks forming in her dead mind. His family wasn't the pinnacle of togetherness and superior love, it just existed, they filled the time. Only Jacob remained remotely similar to what she'd known, her memories of him becoming clearer as others faded. The real moment she realised the nature of vampirism was the instant she'd first laid eyes on him, her first human, and his blood _sang _to her, just as had always been described to her, back when the idea had felt so distant, so impossible. She knew then what she'd been to Edward, and for the first time cried without tears, even as she desperately shoved the urge aside and gave into the thrills of her rebirth instead. Over the years though, especially as Renesmee aged, matured into the woman she'd never allowed herself to become, it had become harder to numb herself to the one thing that still had meaning. The only emotions that still had any strength were, horribly, the jealousy she felt when the girl thoughtlessly hugged him, held his hand… It was irrational to feel it, she'd rejected Jacob's vow of undying love, it was hypocritical to hurt when the vow became hollow. She hated him, hated him for reminding her of her human life, for taunting her with it using her _daughter_, and despised herself for hating him, and her. In this toxic cycle, it became simple to brood on the only thing that was stronger, her need for blood. It wore her down until, for a time, she could feel little else, and was glad of that even as she still resisted actually giving into the thirst.

One day though, in the hundreds she'd begun counting down, something roused her still heart. Charlie Swan, having personally attended to a particularly vile domestic abuse case, had been shot dead by the husband in cold blood. Every dark feeling she'd ever felt as a human came rushing back ten fold as she lost one of her last links to the real world. The grief she felt unleashed everything and she let herself go. Using every ability the Quileute feared, she broke into Forks jail and took pleasure in vengeance and retribution, draining the monster of every drop of blood in his evil body. After taking that leap though, away from the emotions she'd been fighting, rage, grief, sorrow, regret, hatred for herself and others, she discovered she couldn't withdraw back into her chaste shell. Only Jacob's wolf, predicting with accuracy that Alice never had what she would do, mercilessly ripping her arms off and dragging her back to their two soul mates had stopped her from seizing the other inmates and her father's colleagues too. When she woke up from _that _nightmare, that was when her real descent began…

* * *

Renesmee paused on the sleek mahogany and glass landing of the Cullens' latest real estate acquisition, a sprawling modernist folly on the Oregon/Washington border. She'd been pleased with it at the time, the family hadn't lived this close to Forks in years, but she could now hear the price of that nostalgia through the walls. The laboured sighs and weakened gasps for air that she no longer needed were her mother's only equivalent to tears, and somehow Renesmee found the sound more disturbing than the most distraught weeping she could imagine. All of her family felt the same she knew, even as she heard her Aunt Alice trying to coax Bella, hopelessly of course, to feed. Her mother hadn't hunted since the day she'd killed her Grandpa Charlie's murderer. She rejected all blood, even the 'vegetarian' diet of animals so lauded as the only alternative. Renesmee knew she must be weakening, could see it every time she looked into anyone's eyes, particularly her father's, but she herself hadn't laid eyes on Bella Cullen since Jacob had brought her back that dreadful day, in wolf form, dragging her by half a re-grown arm. Honestly, she wasn't sure she _wanted_ to see her mother again, not like that. They hadn't been close for over a year and a half now in any case, since Renesmee had been informed of the true nature of her bond, her _imprint_, with Jacob Black.

She was overwhelmed with a need to escape thoughts of her mother, and as if on cue a powerful desire to see Jacob filled her. It was easy to bask in the warmth of thoughts about him as she ran down the rest of the stairs, at vampire speed, and out of the door. It had been a shock to learn of the full significance of the imprint, she'd just graduated from high school, for the first and last time unlike her family, when her father and Jacob, with Bella nowhere in sight, had sat her down. A tiny, shameful, part of her had been repulsed, knowing that this wasn't the normal teen romance, but considering her own supernatural nature she'd soon accepted him with an open, grateful heart which was filled to the brim with relief. During her school life, changing schools every few months as she shot up through elementary then middle and high school, she'd become painfully aware that she'd never have an ordinary, human relationship. She would stop aging, and a human wouldn't, not to mention the fact that she had to drink blood to live. Only Jacob understood that and could love her without the threat of having to be changed someday hanging over him. They'd live a long life together, and then she'd die when he did. All these considerations meant that her reaction to the imprint had been one of relief, of never needing to be alone if she didn't wish it.

She'd slowed down to reach Jacob's place, a fully kitted out cottage that would have served the manager of the estate at one time, but which was now known as the 'doghouse' by everyone, though Aunt Rosalie had coined the term. Renesmee would've preferred to have him living in the house, but he needed somewhere to be free of 'leech stink' as he occasionally unguardedly called it, and she knew her family felt the same way about his doggy smell.

Jacob, having sensed her coming, was standing out on the porch, watching her approach. She was beautiful, even without the imprint he probably would've admitted that somewhat, and now she'd reached her maturity she looked to be in her mid-twenties, which, paired with the fact that phasing slowed his own aging process, made them appear to uneducated eyes to be very close in age. As soon as his imprint addled thoughts tried to make him feel happy and blessed at how well fate had set them up to fit together, he remembered that Renesmee _should _be a first-grader, a little girl, Bella's baby, not a woman in love with him or vice versa. In the same second that he was comparing her red-gold hair to a stunning sunset he was also chillingly reminded of fresh, flowing blood, and that if she hadn't stolen Bella's chocolate eyes, if they were as red as he often saw in his most vivid nightmares, she'd have more than a passing resemblance to that other red-head, Victoria.

His gut twisted as her insight about Bella hit him, but he found himself smiling at her reassuringly as he picked up on her distress. "The vamp…" He choked on the bitter word, his throat closing as the imprint protected Renesmee's feelings, "…your family know what to do for Bella Carlie, they helped Jasper through his blood carvings."

Renesmee smiled at the sound of her middle name on his lips. Like her mother, he'd never relished calling her 'Nessie' as the rest of her family still did, and when she'd been teased as a 'Loch Monster' in school he'd started calling her by her middle name instead. By high school, she'd registered herself as plain 'Carlie Cullen' just to avoid another round of embarrassment. It may have been an unusual spelling of 'Carly' but it was much easier to explain than Renesmee for sure. "I know, it's just hard, Bella is stubborn."

Jacob's face darkened with pain, twisting his face away from her sharply as his shoulders hunched over. "Yes, she certainly is." He ground out with difficulty. He wasn't sure when Renesmee had stopped called Bella 'Mom', it was probably around the time she and Bella had been at high school together, but she'd never picked the habit up again, around him at least. A small mercy, not needing to be reminded every few sentences that Bella was this girl's mother. He knew himself well enough to admit that, in another life, one with no werewolves, vampires, no Bella, he might've been able to content himself with Renesmee without the help of an imprint, she was a good person. She was so sunny in nature that he understood Bella's 'personal sun' description, but that knowledge didn't make resigning himself to his fate any easier.

Obviously sensing his turmoil, Renesmee flopped familiarly down to sit on the porch, patting it to bring him down beside her, which he did automatically. "You know, my family might be okay with you moving to the house now, with so much distraction with Bella they understand that I need you around more than ever." She began in a wheedling tone, clasping her cool hand over his overheated one. Renesmee's touch didn't have the sickening chill of full vampires, touching her was like touching a pleasantly cool drink, her white, slightly glinting skin just a few degrees cooler than a human's. She still had a strong scent to her too, it wasn't particularly pleasant, for him it was like having a girlfriend who'd sprayed a little too much perfume on every day, but it was eminently bearable compared to the unnatural, burning stink of the others. "I mean…" She said exuberantly, glancing around the exterior of the cottage, "This house is so small, it only has half the fixtures of the main house…"

An indulgent chuckle bubbled in Jacob's throat but he was irked enough to suppress it. "This house is three times as big as the house I grew up in!" he snapped at her defensively, his chest tightening as he thought of his dad, whom he hadn't seen since he'd had to go with the Cullens. Who was helping him maintain the house, hell who was helping him get out of the house? Who was checking his medication and keeping him company now that Charlie was gone?

Renesmee blanched, her face crumpling as his spurt of anger hit her like a slap. "I'm sorry Jake, I just…"

Jacob moved to rub soothing circles into her back, taking a deep breath and letting them both calm down before he spoke again, "No, I'm sorry Carlie." He gave her a weak, lopsided smirk, "You're just too used to living in the lap of luxury." He didn't like to dwell on _how _the Cullens had gotten that luxury, which was why he'd taken as little from them as possible until, invariably, Renesmee insisted and he had to give in.

Renesmee gave a shallow sigh. "You're right, I forget sometimes Jake." She shifted on the porch, cuddling into his heated side, "I haven't seen La Push in so long, and I know you want to go back for your dad. Maybe, sometime soon, the two of us could go live there for a while…"

Jacob shuddered, half from involuntary pleasure at having her so close and half from dread. "I…I'd prefer we didn't go to La Push, I don't need to go back." He forced out, finding it almost impossible to go against her earnest request.

Renesmee blinked in surprise, "The pack wouldn't and can't hurt me Jacob…"

Jacob began to shake, only the link between them stopping him from surging away from her. "Not _everything_ is about you Renesmee!" He snarled before his tone became pleading, "Did you even stop to think while making those plans to understand that bringing your whole family down on my tribe again could trigger the wolf gene in a whole new generation?" He was left panting hard after this speech, spent from holding any negative feelings toward her.

"We don't know that I would trigger the gene…" Renesmee countered softly, hurt but still climbing comfortingly into his lap, "But I understand if you don't want to risk it. I can move in here, I just want to be with you, it's okay now that I'm grown…" She paused, leaned in tight and kissed him, their first kiss.

It wasn't what she had expected though. Feelings and images broke into her mind. A snowy mountain, the warmth of exploring hands on skin, Jacob's joy and hope, Bella's need and passion and _love…_ Renesmee saw them before her, like a dream image, as the sensations of the kiss faded, then that too dissipated before her eyes to leave her standing in fog. At first, only a tiny, quaint, wooden house stood out from the fog, then Jacob's distinctive stance standing grinning beside it, kneeling his huge frame as two toddlers, a boy and a girl, ran delightedly towards him. Jacob was blurry, but these two children were crystal clear, grinning with happiness, and humanity, as they ran away from her towards Jacob. Renesmee knew with a visceral certainty that these children were _not _hers, although that shouldn't have been possible if they were his….

She shoved herself off of Jacob as the vision abandoned her, sprinting away from him weakly at human speed as new clarity hit her mind, as she realised that what she'd seen didn't belong to her, but to her mother. A sob caught in her throat as he came up silently behind her, "We're never going to live like a couple are we? You don't see me like that, imprint or no imprint…"

"No…" Jacob croaked out with difficulty, "Not right now, but since I live to make you happy then eventually…"

"I don't want _eventually_." Renesmee choked out, "How can I be happy when I know that you're not really, that you wouldn't love me if you had a choice?"

Jacob breathed a deep sigh behind her, their conflicted emotions mixing as one. "What's the point of seeing it like that now?" he asked hoarsely, "You're my imprint, and I realised a long time ago that an imprint was my only shot at _any _sort of happiness." He slowly reached for her shoulder to turn her around, "And you have given me some happiness Carlie, more happiness than I thought was possible after…"

"But if it's a tainted happiness…" Renesmee started to argue even as his argument began to break through her weak defences, but suddenly both she and Jacob froze, wrenched from the own troubles by the sound of Bella's cries growing heartbreakingly wretched from inside the main house. "I want to go to her." Renesmee muttered, "I have to, Grandpa says she won't live another day if she doesn't feed, I can hear him telling Uncle Emmett." She pulled her eyes away from the house to meet those of her imprint, disturbed by the agony she saw etched in his face, "Come with me." She found herself murmuring, though actually that last thing she wanted him to be confronted with now was the woman who was ruining their imprint.

As if he'd merely been held back for want of her permission, which was probably the case, Jacob shot towards the house before she'd even started to follow, and within less than a minute they'd barged into Bella's bedroom, though at first Carlisle and Edward blocked their view of the main occupant. Edward was obviously horrified, but tried to tone down his objections to Jacob's presence for his daughter's sake, "Nessie my love, I know that the do…Jacob is able to provide comfort to you while your mother is in such distress, but seeing him won't be good for her and I don't think you should see her this way either. Go back downstairs."

Jacob's growl was deep and rumbling, "I _don't _take orders from you."Edward's gaze flicked towards Renesmee and Jacob knew the vamp was itching to reply, 'But you do take orders from my daughter'. With Bella so at risk though, and Renesmee so desperate, he ignored the slight. "You let me try to talk some sense into her before, why not now?"

Edward's golden eyes narrowed into venomous slits. "Knowing you, you'd tell her to never drink any blood again, you _hate _her as she is now!"

"Edward!" Carlisle intervened sharply, "The main concern here is helping Bella, not scoring points with either her or Renesmee…"

His level voice was interrupted by a breathy one, "Jacob?" The name resounded around the room like a prayer.

"Bella?" Jacob choked out in the same tone, managing for once to stride easily away from Renesmee towards the voice. He froze when she appeared from behind the screen she had been cowering behind, sickened in a different way than usual when he locked eyes with her. She was withered, her marble flesh was melting away, her golden eyes had dimmed to a pale yellow where the black of the pupils hadn't consumed the iris. She was being consumed from the inside out, not by a hybrid baby this time but by her own destructive guilt. "What are you doing?"

"I…" Bella began vaguely, her flawless body shaking as her gaze wandered aimlessly before setting briefly on his. "They…They want me to drink Jake…" She waved one arm helplessly towards the decanter of blood sitting on the dresser. To Jacob's sensitive nose the contents smelled like deer's blood. The idea that the Cullens had set it out, in that ludicrously ornate and antique crystal decanter as if it were fine brandy made him both shiver and give an internal snort of derision.

Jacob regarded her carefully, through he couldn't stop harshness seeping into his tone as he replied, "You have to Bella, it's what you are now."

Bella shrank back at the reminder, "But…I can't…" She forced out, wrapping her arms around her waist as if holding herself together, her head bowed inwards. The stance made Jacob's heart hurt. Was she really back there? The abandoned, withdrawn, overwhelmed teenager he'd given his life to try to revive? Whatever she'd said to him before, he'd always known that she'd been driven to want to be changed by a need to escape those feelings. It seemed that, even as a vampire, her demons still haunted her. She must've seen something of what he was thinking in his eyes, for her voice strengthened into shrillness, "I can't…I _won't _drink blood! Not again!" She paused, although she had no need to draw breath, and suddenly spun one of her arms out from around her waist to slam into the decanter of blood, sending it crashing to the floor, the crystal screeching as it shattered on the marble tiles. The sound made Bella cringe, stepping back and crouching over as if her chest hurt. "He made a sound like that…the man, he screamed…" Her gaze was distant, in another place. "He screamed so much, but not like the lady with the crucifix, she didn't make a sound. It was the tourists who screamed…"

Jacob saw Edward flinch as if he understood her ranting, but when the vamp said nothing Jacob decided to come closer to her. "What are you talking about Bella?" he asked in a whisper, a nauseous feeling knotting in his stomach as he wondered if Bella had somehow killed more people than merely Charlie's murderer.

"In the tunnels…in the Volturi tunnels…" Bella murmured, "I always wanted to see Italy, but…" She began to rock herself back and forth, "I had nightmares for so long, screams and red eyes and piles of bodies, my room with its open window morphing into one of those tunnels…" She locked onto Jacob's disturbed, searching gaze and suddenly straightened, her voice becoming robotic. "They've stopped now. I don't dream anymore, about anything."

Jacob's fingers clenched around her arm, it was like clutching an ice statute. "Why didn't you tell me about that Bella?" he questioned hoarsely, "I could've…"

"I…I thought you would be angry with me…for not helping them." She whispered, lifting her eyes to meet his, "You would have." She told him softly, "But I didn't. I bargained with the Volturi instead…" Her throat gave a violent spasm as her voice cracked with dry tears and when Jacob's arms surrounded her then, for that moment comforting the traumatised teenager she'd once been, she began to shiver even harder than she had when she'd first woken. It was as if there was a glass wall between them, she could sense the heat radiating from him but it couldn't reach her, the warmth being deflected off her impenetrable vampire shell. "I _am _Volturi, I killed that man and I _enjoyed _it! I enjoyed it more than anything I've experienced since I woke up, and I'd enjoy it again! I can't drink Jacob…" She screamed wildly, despairingly, all while still clinging to him.

Something inside Jacob snapped, he grabbed her around the back, keeping her against him and seized her brittle hair to drag her until her face was level with his. "Stop acting the martyr Bella! You made your choice and now you'll never have one again!" He was breathing hard, eyes blazing as they stood entwined in silence for a moment before Jacob seemed to crumple and broke it. Abruptly, he snatched up a knife-like shard of crystal from the floor. "Bella, I know you feel guilty about killing that man, and you should, although I would've killed that bastard myself for what he did to Charlie, God help me. But I can't let you have your way on this, if you break down and kill someone else that'll be on _my _head…" He held the shard like a sacrificial dagger over his other arm and unflinchingly sliced open one of the veins bulging through his arm, "Drink from _me _Bella please, because if you take the life of anyone else I _will _kill you."

Time seemed to slow down as that first drop of blood fell from Jacob's arm. Renesmee found herself lurching unwillingly forward, her vision zeroing in on her Jacob as she caught a whiff of his blood. Her teeth began to pulsate with need and she felt the sickly sweet taste of her own venom flood her mouth uncontrollably. She saw her mother's nostrils flare, her face consumed by that same darkness for an instant, before she tried, weakly, to force herself back, looking up at him with mournful eyes not permitted the release of crying. "I'm already dead Jake."

Jacob's grip on her tightened as she said that, the tears rolling down his face were for both of them, falling to mingle with the blood now gushing from his arm. A low, determined growl left his chest and he relentlessly shoved the bleeding limb into her mouth. That was too much for Bella and she sank to her knees, caressing his arm with her mouth, taking in the leaking blood, without biting him. That action struck Renesmee as painfully, spine-tinglingly erotic for that moment before the thick tension was cut by Bella finally losing control, her teeth sinking deep into Jacob's wound as her eyes closed. Renesmee choked on a gasp, falling forward herself, as the agony of the bite for Jacob was transmitted to her. "Jake…" She forced out desperately as her father froze halfway to her, stuck between going to his wife or daughter. Renesmee barely noticed him though, her attention was fixed on Jacob as the excruciating pain increased, struck by the fact that he was unflinching, utterly stoic as he endured the blood being drained from him as if nothing was happening. In that moment, Renesmee wanted to attack her mother, _kill_ her for touching Jake, but another part of her wanted to be the one who was drinking from him… Those torturous thoughts, as well as the pain, finally pushed her over the edge. "_Jacob_!" she screamed out agonisingly.

The imprint only reasserted itself fully then, Jacob's big eyes, which had changed from human to wolf several moments before, blinked once. "Bells…" He murmured faintly.

At the sound of his voice, Bella woke from the bloodlust, her eyes, now a vivid scarlet, snapping open before she wildly pushed Jacob's out of her mouth and flew backwards, her hard body crashing so hard against the windowpane that it cracked. Her starkly red lips stretched into a blood-curdling scream as she registered what she had done, becoming more hysterical as Edward strode fearfully towards her, "Bella! We have no idea what _werewolf _blood could do to you…"

"What…What about the venom?" Renesmee cried out, a sob building in her throat as she saw Jacob begin to shake. "I'll suck it…"

"No." Jacob broke in hoarsely, "You shouldn't Carlie."

"I will do it." Carlisle interrupted firmly, giving Jacob's shoulder a brief squeeze as he shot his granddaughter a compassionate look. "I have practice." Jacob nodded stiffly and held his arm up to Carlisle, who expertly drained the wound of venom within a few moments. "You're safe now Jacob, thank you."

Jacob swallowed hard, the shaking convulsing his body becoming more violent before he burst out of the room and bounded downstairs. Renesmee inhaled sharply as she felt him phase as soon as he was outside, running as fast as his wolf legs would carry him. A haunted, agonised howl sliced through the air and both Bella and her daughter flinched. The eerie sound seemed to blanket Bella for a moment before her huge, piercingly red eyes met Renesmee's, Jacob's blood's drying on her marble cheeks. "I'm…I'm…so sorry…Renesmee…"

Renesmee had to gulp back the few tears her hybrid body would grant her, her anger evaporating to be replaced by grief and pity. Bella looked so irretrievably broken. "I know Mom." She whispered before turning on her heel to follow Jacob like a streak of lightning.

She had to trail the wolf for several miles, deep into the surrounding forests, before their imprint gave her enough sense of exactly where he was to find him. Renesmee knew that Jacob must've been aware, however dully, of her presence behind him, but even as the wolf's beautiful russet fur glimmered like a beacon just in front of her Jacob didn't slow, and it took a final, sapping surge of energy from her to be able to swerve in front of him. "Jacob!" she called out desperately as her legs and Jacob's paws almost connected in the dust before he finally skidded to a halt.

A savage growl of rage built in his chest as the wolf stared at her for a split second without recognition, but as soon as that chilling instant passed the wolf sank submissively to her feet, one massive shudder running over the creature before Jacob's naked, shivering, vulnerable body replaced it. Something between a groan and a sob left him as he curled inwards, gazing up at her unseeingly.

"Jacob…" Renesmee choked out again, feeling wetness build up in her parched eyes as she saw that the wound in his arm had already healed, excepting the two silvery parallel semi-circles that her mother's bite had branded him with, probably forever. "Jacob, how could you let this go so far?" she asked in utter anguish.

Jacob took a laboured breath, his hands clawing at the grass around him for non-existent support. "I don't know…" Tears rolled mercilessly down his face even as his body quaked with fighting the wolf, "I never…wanted…" He forced out with difficulty, "I just wanted to make…Mom proud, look after…my dad, finish school…be a mechanic eventually maybe…" He choked again, seeming to stop breathing as he screwed his eyes shut, "I…I never even got to finish my Rabbit…" He whispered hoarsely.

"Rabbit?" Renesmee echoed in confusion, kneeling to try to hug him, "Jake, has the venom made you delirious? Will I go and get Grandpa Carlisle?"

Jacob was beyond hearing her questions, and though he didn't resist her embrace, he was completely limp in her arms. Suddenly, he was no longer the strong protector Renesmee had always thought of, but a lost little boy. "Bells…" He breathed shallowly into her shoulder, "Bells…"

**A/n: Please review. I've already finished the second chapter, and am working on writing the third, so hopefully this will be updated regularly. **


	2. Chapter 2

The young buck deer's impressive set of antlers, although not yet having had the chance to grow into the regal crown of a stag, were still awe-inspiring as he lifted his head up abruptly from the forest floor he'd been opportunistically grazing from. Dewy clouds of breath formed and then petered out around his sensitive nostrils and for a split second he stood frozen, unable to decipher the meaning of the threat he'd sensed more by innate instinct than by scent alone. Within that instant, the decision was made and his legs loped forward, the muscles powering up to provide thrust for a sprint that had once been peerless in this forest. Unfortunately, the one who had infringed on his world was now what faced him.

Renesmee leapt with the grace of a gazelle, but the weight of her body slam into the buck's side compared to an elephant. The chosen deer slumped, stunned, as she had intended, and she allowed herself only a twinge of pity and regret for the majestic creature as its long limbs thrashed dangerously beneath her. A few practised twists of one hand and she'd broken vulnerable vertebra in his neck, her slight frame quaking with adrenaline as her quarry stilled. The most tantalising arterial blood would come from the throat and chest, but she aped her father's penitent practice and started her drink from the hindquarters, avoiding the empathy that would come from witnessing the light fade from the animal's wide eyes. She always killed her 'meals' beforehand, Jacob had pleaded for that in her earliest childhood and her parents had immediately acquiesced. Years before, after a growth spurt and the accompanying check by her doctor grandfather, she'd gone out on a hunt and drank from living animals before releasing them, having learned that her venom was impotent and wouldn't poison them. However, both Bella and Jacob, in a rare moment of unity, had condemned her kindness as misplaced and did not relent even as she wept her ignorance. Later, Jacob had shown her how one of the rabbits she'd fed from had become deranged, beating itself to death against a tree, while another had been set upon by its warren-mates and ripped to death in an act of self-preservation. She'd learned that day that she truly was an anathema to the world in which she found herself, good intentions or not.

On this day however, she drank those memories and others away into the near oblivion of bloodlust. She'd drained every drop from an animal which could've sated the thirst of her whole family if she'd been more temperate. Gorging in this way wasn't like her at all, a need that would push her family over the edge was a tickle in the throat to her, but if the vague plan she had in her mind came to fruition this would be her last feed for a while and she would need every strength her hybrid body could give. Pulling herself up from the deer, she felt an enraged anguish seize her momentarily in its grip, the familiar echoing emotions of the imprint pull tugging poignantly at her heart. She gasped as the overwhelming feeling receded as quickly as it had come, fading to a niggling chill of foreboding as she stood up. It unnerved her and she stepped back from the carcass, leaving it to the more conventional predators, hanging fearfully back from being too close in her wake, to clear away. Of course, the imprint had, for her, always been there whether she was aware of it or not, it had prevailed on her since birth, but these past twenty four hours had destabilised everything. Since Jacob and Bella had painfully collided once again after years of avoidance, everything felt different. Jacob's wolf had not taken over again since it had allowed him to flee in agony, and as he had withdrawn into himself their bond had fluctuated. Occasionally, it was stronger than it had ever been, as if for minutes at a time she shared his heart and mind, but in other lonely hours it was as if he was an empty vessel, shutting her out until she wondered if their bond had been a mere illusion. As for Bella, she had retreated even further, Renesmee couldn't be sure how far, or how things could _possibly _worsen, but if her family's actions and words today were anything to go by, then the condition of Bella Cullen had slipped further towards the unknown. The intention to uncover everything however, was rapidly becoming her daughter's only wish.

Jasper Hale heard his adoptive niece's approach long before she could clearly be seen. He'd never gotten into the habit, unlike other members of his 'family', of faking sighs for emphasis, but upon feeling the first wave of Renesmee's conflicted anxiety he felt desperate for a release of his own resignation. Instead of acting on that urge however, he took the more practical step and left the peace of the threadbare garden surrounding Jacob's cabin to resume his duties as sentry under the shade of the wooden porch.

The flame of her hair was an approaching beacon over the hill. She was Artemis the Huntress personified with a gift hare hanging from one hand, only missing the bow and arrow she would never require. In a blur, and a creak of the wood beneath his feet, she was beside him. "How is he?" she asked tightly, eyeing the closed door her mate hid behind but actually stepping back from it.

"Unaltered." Jasper reported, the Southern drawl of his human life lengthening and softening the detached verdict. "My powers of emotional…persuasion cannot do much with apathy."

"Apathy?" Renesmee echoed incredulously, "That's _not _Jacob! You know what happened yesterday, I told you that I witnessed him fall apart…" She trailed off bitterly, used to her family being uncomfortable with her connection to Jacob, "Don't you believe me?"

Jasper didn't flinch, his golden gaze, darkening with blood lust as the scent of the hare's blood pooling in its limp body hit his sensitive nose, was none the less penetrating as he focused on her. "You forget that I have 'witnessed' the repercussions of your mother's…entanglements since before you were born." His full, bloodless lips twisted, "Perhaps you should allow your do…Jacob his apathy, it is a form of peace when the world remains unchanged."

Renesmee bit her lip, hearing his sincerity, even as she hoped the words applied more to her uncle than to her imprint. Jasper had always been the most distant of her relatives, but she'd soon learned that manner was uniform with them all. Little though she understood his power, she knew he was as overwhelmed with emotions as her father was with thoughts, that he would appreciate the allure of apathy was understandable. "Maybe." She conceded, handing him the hare she'd caught on the way home, "Thank you for staying with him." Her tone lightened knowingly, "I brought you back take out for your trouble."

Jasper's passive face quirked in amusement, "You have been spending too much time with Emmett." He gave a neat, graceful bow as he accepted the meal, "I will stay here for the time being, but your father and Alice have been requesting my talents to rouse Bella." He told her apologetically.

Renesmee shrugged distractedly, sighing internally over her father and aunt's persistence. If Jasper's influence was all that was needed to help her mother, then yesterday wouldn't have happened. Still, she'd also sought out Jasper to ease Jacob's troubled mind, so maybe she was equally misguided by desperation. "I understand." She murmured, moving past him to slip through the door to Jacob.

Jasper politely tapped her shoulder. "Nessie…" He prompted, brushing his fingers across his mouth.

Renesmee blankly mimicked the action, grimacing as she felt the tell-tale stickiness of blood still clinging to her face like lipstick smudged by a kiss. So much for comforting Jacob with her presence. She hastily wiped the stark memory of her meal away with her sleeve then rolled the stained fabric up to her elbow out of sight. "Thanks." She muttered ruefully.

As Jasper chivalrously opened the cabin door for her, a frayed growl rumbling from within cut Renesmee to the quick. Rationally, she knew Jacob was reacting to the onslaught of Jasper's scent, not to mention said full vampire's proximity to her, but she couldn't stop a shudder of unease travelling up her back as, unlike before, the warmth of Jacob's protectiveness did not blanket her via the imprint bond. "Jacob?" she called into the gloom as she stepped inside, unable to stop the catch in her voice.

"Carlie?" Jacob's voice was husky, but the relief in it made Renesmee relax, maybe the change between them wasn't as fundamental as she'd begun to fear. This was confirmed as she saw him trying to rise from his position spread over his small couch, though with her keen vision she could see his prominent muscles quivering with the effort. "Where have you been?"

Renesmee felt her lips part in disbelief. You couldn't tell? She asked silently. He'd always been able to pinpoint where she was before. That ability, she suspected, was part of the reason her overprotective family, still haunted by the threat of the Volturi to their youngest member, had consented to Jacob submitting utterly to the imprint bond and staying with her. "It…it doesn't matter." She answered quickly, trying to dismiss her concerns as well as his question. "How are you?"

There was a long pause before Jacob answered, slumping back onto the couch as he did so. "I'm still here." He replied eventually. Renesmee's brows furrowed as she approached, her stomach sinking as she sensed that, at best, the words were laced with a sardonic humour the opposite of the bright, light heartedness she'd always taken refuge in. At worst, they were bitter and resentful. "I'd be better if the lee…Jasper didn't insist on acting as my nurse while you were gone."

Renesmee couldn't stop her mouth from curving upwards at the thought of her stoic uncle playing nurse, but still defended him. "I _asked _him to watch you for me. I thought his talents would help you…"

Jacob's clenched jaw twitched, a soft growl rattling his chest although, oddly, producing the sound seemed to hurt. "Carlie, the last thing I need is having more vamp voodoo around me…"

"Voodoo?" Renesmee echoed, crushed by the implication and sinking down onto the edge of the coffee table rather than the arm of the couch next to him as she'd intended. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Jacob flinched as the imprint bond reinforced what his commonsense was telling him, he'd hurt her. As always, the compulsion to soothe her overwhelmed all else. He reached over, with a grunt of pain that his mate didn't fail to notice, to grasp one of the hands clenched in her lap. "I wasn't talking about you Carlie…and really, who am I to talk, since my tribe's ancestors turned me into a werewolf?" He ran one hand continually up and her magically smooth skin, as if reverently caressing a religious icon.

"I guess so…" Renesmee agreed with a rueful, forgiving smile, before she suddenly froze under his touch. "Jake, you feel cold." She gasped out, leaning forward to check his face and bare chest with the back of her hand like a mother fretting over a child's fever. His body was even colder than his hands, even by her warped hybrid thermostat. The throbbing, animalistic, supernatural heat that had always warmed her body, which was merely chilled compared to her family's frozen shells, was now ebbing away. "You're almost back to a human temperature!"

Jacob flinched at her reference to the fact that he wasn't human, not completely anyway. It occurred to him now that his duplicitous, half-man half-wolf nature again made him similar to Renesmee. The spirits who guided the wolves had a sick sense of compatibility though. He awkwardly shrugged off her point about his temperature, it was almost a relief to feel the cold in a way he hadn't for eight years, though it was disturbing to feel Renesmee's chill bite him harder. "Maybe." He muttered, "Sometimes that happens when a wolf is injured." He grimaced as her huge eyes fixated on the prominent crescent moon scars that were carved in silver on his mahogany skin. "Come on now Carlie, Dr Cullen told you himself that he'd taken all the venom out, and if it turned out that he hadn't I would've…" He gave a disgusted gulp, "…changed by now."

"I know what he said but…" Renesmee trailed off, suddenly unable to articulate what she felt. Changing tact, she regarded him piercingly, "What if your mind, your emotions are doing something?" she questioned, "I saw how you fell apart yesterday and…and the imprint feels different somehow Jake…"

Jacob began to shut down, Renesmee was aware of their link suddenly wearing down to a tenuous thread. "Yesterday is over." He forced out darkly, "Nothing has changed." His resigned, stoical expression relented slightly as hers became pleading, "Maybe…the feel of the imprint has changed for you now because of what you saw yesterday." He said softly, his tone sympathetic.

"Are you saying I was blinded by my naivety before yesterday?" Renesmee demanded angrily, her voice cracking, "That can't be all it is, the imprint…"

"Isn't perfect." Jacob told her gloomily.

"It never has been for you, if what you told me yesterday still stands." Renesmee retorted, failing to keep the accusation from her voice.

"Of course not!" Jacob snapped wretchedly, "The imprint can't erase everything from before you were born, you're _Bella's daughter _for God's sake, it's not as if I can forget her with you!" As Renesmee began to sob, lurching up from the coffee table and away from him, he too began to feel empathic tears slide down his cheeks, "I'm sorry Carlie…sorry for all of it. I care for you, I was broken under the warmth of the imprint but it's the only happiness I have now. I wanted it to work for you, to be able to be truly happy with it and not know anything else, just as I'd like to be."

Renesmee sniffed, trying to recover. "Well, that won't be now." She forced out, "And I know that it isn't your fault anymore than mine Jacob." She gathered herself up proudly and headed for the door, "I have to go…" She tried to summon up a lie, "I need to hunt…"

"You've just been hunting." Jacob interrupted, "I can smell the deer's blood on you." His gaze narrowed, "You're lying to me Renesmee." That conclusion came with some disbelief, since the mere thought of lying to him had never occurred to his imprint before, that he knew. His eyes widened as he probed for answers through their link, "Carlie, going back to the res won't help anything…"

"But it will help me to _understand _at least!" Renesmee cried out desperately, "It'll help _us _to understand and come to terms with it Jacob, isn't that what we need?" She brought her hand to her hard chest, strengthened by her heart's languid but still real beat. "_Please _Jacob." She pulled up all her force of will and pressed it on him, this time the imprint, as well as, she suspected, his unspoken agreement with her sentiment, made him give in.

"Be safe." He whispered as he curled up on the couch again out of her line of sight.

"I'm the rightful Alpha's imprint, whatever else I am. I'm at my safest in La Push." Renesmee reminded him softly before flying out the door at vampire speed.

* * *

At first, Renesmee had intended for her sprint from Jacob to continue until she reached his home, but in actual fact her legs carried her back to where everything had begun to fall apart, the threshold of her mother's bedroom. Despite how conflicted, verging on hateful, her feelings for Bella Cullen were in that confused, resentful moment, she couldn't suppress a gasp as she saw her. Grandpa Carlisle had been right, in a manner of speaking, when he'd told her that drinking Jacob's blood had revived her; the sunken, starved quality her features had so disturbingly held the day before had gone, in fact she was the most beautiful just then that Renesmee had ever seen her, but she was also unconscious, there was none of the stiffness that had been there when she was merely faking oblivion. Jacob's blood had done something to her as surely as her venom had altered his wolf, the couple were as close once again as they were far apart.

Renesmee, her decision to seek answers in La Push now a certain one, was about to turn away and start her journey when her father's lean frame moved through the room. As soon as her eyes locked with his golden ones she knew he must be hearing her thoughts, and that he knew the details of the plan as intimately as she did. At once, since his knowledge meant her entrapment, she fled from him at top speed. Unfortunately, her full vampire sire could outrun his hybrid daughter in any race, and he was motivated.

"_Renesmee Carlie Cullen_!" Edward's desperate shout echoed over the forested hills as he seized her arm in a vice like grip, leaving them both standing, gazes locked, on the highest hill overlooking their family's current mansion.

"Don't stop me Father." Renesmee ground out, "You know why I'm doing it!"

Edward lowered his arm, bringing hers down with him, and stroked her miraculously rosy face with his other hand. "Nessie, my dearest, I know you are no doubt worried about what the dog's blood has done to your mother, just as I am worried, and I know that the imprint must be a trial for you, but risking your safety in the wolves' reservation will not help anything."

"How do you know that?" Renesmee demanded, "When is the last time you tried to relate to the tribal legends which have so much sway over my life?" Her tone softened from angry to beseeching, "I have to go Daddy, please understand…"

Edward responded with a fake but none the less pained sigh. "You are in everyway my Isabella's daughter. So passionate, but so unconcerned with your own safety and in need of guidance."

Renesmee flinched at this patronising indictment of both her mother and herself, twisting away from his touch. "Don't you want some 'guidance' about what happened yesterday? Between Jacob and Bel…Mom? Don't you ever ask yourself why something like that's still possible between them now that she's changed and married to you and he imprinted on me?"

Edward blanched and she knew she'd hit a nerve. "It is true that your mother and Jacob always have had a…connection that I've never been able to circumvent, but Bella is my soul mate and, repugnant to me though it is, Jacob Black is yours Renesmee."

"I'm…I'm starting to think that a soul mate doesn't mean much if your _heart_ belongs to someone else." Renesmee replied thickly, "They're not exactly happy, and neither are we, so…"

"Ours is not to question why." Edward murmured the platitude like a prayer in a mournful, resigned tone that was more telling than any words of agreement could ever give his daughter, "Life and love has turned out this way Nessie, going back to La Push, to the past, won't change that."

"I have to discover that for myself." Renesmee replied heavily, "Let me go, please."

Edward Cullen, her father, stood in silence for a long time before asking in a whisper, "How do you intend to travel there?"

Renesmee was caught entirely off-guard by the question and didn't have a ready answer. "I'm…going to run I suppose."

She could've been imagining it but she thought she heard a sound from him that was something between a scoff and an amused chuckle as he pressed the keys to his newest Volvo into her hand. "If you take the car you will return to us all the quicker, my sweet little Nessie."

**A/n: PLEASE REVIEW! :D**


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